Ah! My Arm!!!

Last week my friend Tony and I watched the Ecuadorian edition of Man vs. Wild. Not only was it the most depressing episode of the show I've seen - Bear finds shelter, Bear build ladder to reach shelter, Bear watches ladder shatter as it drops into Amazon, Bear has no shelter, Bear gets rained on, Bear can't find food in rain, Bear stuffs shirt with grass to stay warm, Bear stays up all night getting rained on while wearing shirt full of grass, Bear travels down actual Amazon on log, Bear whittles bow and arrow, Bear finds burrow, Bear scares animal out of burrow, Bear readies bow to kill said animal, Bear breaks bow while hunting animal, Bear watches as animal escapes, Bear has cut hand from bow disaster, Bear again has no food, etc - but more importantly, Tony made a profound, prophetic, downright stunning observation on the state of American culture as we watched Discovery Channel promo its summer celebration of fear for the 12th time that night:

"Dude, we as humans devote an entire week of our lives to sharks. That's fucking ridiculous."

Ridiculous indeed, Mr. Strowd, ridiculous indeed. It's such a simple statement, but with an eye of scrutiny and a body teetering on the age of sobriety, this became the very definition of American excess. I don't think my parents were sitting on their couch back in the '80s contemplating the future implications of cable TV, but rather complacently happy just watching low budget Bananarama videos and drinking wine coolers and calling it a night. Now, we're a society full of movie marathons and Big Gulps and oversized condoms that are sold in oversized bundles for the real men out in the world.

But from an alternative perspective, perhaps this is the singular statement that exemplifies just how great America is. I mean, sharks are pretty sweet, and so is TV, and the combo of the two is pretty much a rarity among the rest of Earth's inhabitants. But I think squirrels are pretty fucking sweet too, so until I see Suburban Rodent Mania Month on Animal Planet, I'll take Bear and the rest of Discovery can shove it.